My room smells like vodka and shame
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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