rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
