i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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