my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
