Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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