'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
