i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
