Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
