Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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