Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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