They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
