i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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