he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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