I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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