You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
