allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
