Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
