she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
