The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
