Small penises have feelings too.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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