the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
