i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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