No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
