she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
