Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
