Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize