well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
