At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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