I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
