D3 body, D1 cock
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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