Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
