So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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