I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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