remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
