he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
