why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
