I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
