What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
