Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize