Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
