You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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