What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
