Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
