R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
