Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
