someone owes me an orgasm
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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