So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
