you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize