BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
