even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
