Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
