Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
