It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
