i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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