just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Randomize
