College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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