some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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