My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
