so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
