omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
