I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
