Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
