Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just high enough for therapy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
