Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
