I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
