I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize