What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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