She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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