I want to have your abortion
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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