I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
