Rock
Scissors
Fuck
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
