we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
