Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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