I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am naked and annoyed.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
