the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
