unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
