nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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