She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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