Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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