in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
